ALL THE THINGS YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT DATING APPS
(And all the things you didn’t)
In this day and age it’s considered “old school” to just randomly meet your significant other at a bar or at a party. Most single people have tried online dating at some point (see here) and there’s a lot of good evidence to indicate that it works. I’ve dabbled in my share of dating apps as I’ve been single throughout the years, with mostly good results. So for all of you coupled-up people who want to know what the online dating scene is like, or if you’re just recently single and looking to join a site, here is a list of most (not all) of the main dating sites out there and how they work.
I’m only going to talk about the ones that I’ve personally tried so far. I feel the need to point out that I’ve not tried them all at once, the most I’ve ever done is two at time. Usually, I try one when I’m single and ready to date and I’ve tried a different site each time. This is because each dating app has their own pros, cons, and distinct feel. So without further ado, this is a list of my online dating history over the last five years.
Tinder :
Known as the original “hook-up app.” Tinder was formed as the antithesis to sites like Match.com and Eharmony for people who want to date but may not want to be that serious about it. Even now, their marketing campaign is “Single, not Sorry” highlighting that sometimes you’re just looking to have fun, not get married. It is a location-based dating app -meaning that the app tracks where you are in the world and will show you available people based on your location. It doesn’t give exact locations – just approximations. It’s set up largely as a looks-based app as well – not a lot of emphasis on your biography.
It shows you a picture of a man (woman or both depending on your preference). It then gives you the option to swipe “left” – meaning “no, thanks” or “right” – meaning “yes, I’m interested.” If both people swipe “right” then it tells you that you’ve matched. There’s also a portion where you can message someone to start talking.
An example of how Tinder works.
Pros:
It’s free!
Easy to use. Swiping can be fun.
Login can be based on a Facebook profile, telling potential matches if they know people in common
Cons:
A real-life example I screen-shotted showing the crazy types of things that you see on Tinder.
Lots of interesting characters. Lots of couples on this app looking to spice up their relationship. *cue eye roll* Lots of guys in relationships who are “ethically non-monogamous.”
No way to “unswipe” if you accidentally swipe left on someone you’re interested in.
Hinge:
Hinge is one of those dating sites I saw advertised on social media for awhile. I saw a lot of ads for it that looked like this:
It calls itself The Relationship App and it’s meant as an alternative to endless swiping on Tinder. It still allows you to swipe left or right on a person, but it gives a lot more background information on people. It’s not as formalized as Match.com, but set up more like Instagram where you can scroll through someone’s photos. It also asks the participant to fill out some interesting questions in lieu of giving just a bunch of statistics on the person. For example, you could answer the question: “What are you most competitive about?” or “What’s something that you geek out on?” or “I get along best with people who…” This allows you to share a different side of yourself that can get lost in some of the other dating apps. It allows for a little more personality. It also limits the number of potential matches presented each day unless you upgrade to premium status.
Pros
It’s free
It shows more personality with the questions being answered.
Easy to set up a profile
Cons
I’ve gone out with a few people from Hinge, but mostly it seems like guys just want a pen pal. I do a lot of online talking with guys who never seem to ask me out. Call me old-fashioned, but I still believe the guy should make the first move. I’ve tried asking out someone before through Hinge, and it was the one date I’ve ever been on where we did not go out on a second date. In short, Hinge has led to mostly quality dates, but also a lot of conversations that go no where.
To be able to see all the people who have liked you at once, you have to upgrade to their premium account ($12.99 per month). Otherwise it will just show you one person at a time. I don’t like this feature because sometimes I need to think about whether or not I want to talk to someone, but I also want to see who is out there liking me.
Match.com.
It is the original dating app. It was started in 1995 – when online dating was basically the Wild West. Match, like Eharmony is a location-based dating website that has you fill out a pretty extensive questionnaire. From there, it will give you “matches” – people that the app determines you have things in common with.
Pros
People on there have to pay, so the idea is that they are a little more serious. On my profile I wrote that I wasn’t interested in chatting online for longs periods of time but would rather meet up for coffee to see if we have in-person chemistry. Immediately, I was inundated with guys asking me out for coffee, which was flattering but also overwhelming. I’ve placed similar comments on other sites and never received that kind of response.
There are a lot of people on there. Match has one of the highest memberships of paid dating apps, so there are a lot of potential “matches” for you.
Cons
The App shows you how active both you and your potential mates are on the site, a feature that I DO NOT LIKE!
Cost: Cost per month is $42.
It shows who is “on the site right now” by putting a green light over someone’s profile. It got awkward when I was looking through and saw my ex’s profile AND that he was currently online at the same time as I was. I do not want people to know when I’m online reading their messages to me because sometimes I need time to decide how I want to respond.
Bumble:
Was invented by one of the Co-founders of Tinder. She didn’t like how Tinder was becoming just a way for guys to try and sleep with as many girls as possible, so she invented this app so that the women could have the power. With Bumble, like Tinder, you swipe left or right but you won’t see who likes you unless you match. Then you have 24 hours to be the first to initiate the conversation. The idea is that with you, the woman, in the driver’s seat, you have more control over what kind of messages you get and from whom.
Pros
It’s free
It seems to be a pretty popular site – lots of people on there
Girls having the power is nice because I think it gives guys more confidence to ask a girl out (because she’s already taken the initiate to start the conversation).
Has you verify your account by taking a selfie that way you can have an up-to-date profile and not be using photos from 10 years ago.
If you accidentally swipe left on someone you were hoping to match with, there is a way for you to go back and swipe right.
Cons
Still a lot of rift raft like on Tinder.
You have to pay a fee in order to have advanced filters (height, non-smoking, Christian, etc) or to see who has already “liked you”
Coffee Meets Bagel:
The premise of this dating app is that “the best way to meet someone is through friends.” So it links to your Facebook profile and uses people who are on the dating app and also have some sort of connection with your friends on Facebook to match you up. A modern day version of meeting a friend of a friend.
An example of Coffee Meets Bagel Set up
Pros:
It’s free
It only sends you one match per day. You can pay to get the upgraded services to have more than one “match” per day but this way you’re not overwhelmed by multiples choices.
If you can figure out your friends on Facebook that your match is friends with, you can ask about them beforehand.
Cons
It only sends you one match per day. Yes, it’s both a pro and a con. It’s a con because that means there are a lot of days where it’s not a match, so you’re just stuck waiting until the next day.
Ok! Cupid:
The other Tinder-type dating site more geared towards hooking up. Their slogan is “DTF” (google it if you don’t know what that means). They are almost shamelessly promoting themselves as a hook-up app now, but 5 years ago I joined simply because it was the only free dating app out there. All that being said, the app is well established because it’s one of the older ones. Users can post more information about themselves, so it’s not all about looks, as Tinder seems to be.
Pros
It’s free
Gives slightly more biographical information than Tinder.
Cons
Just like Tinder, but maybe with even weirder people on it.
That’s the run-down of all the dating apps I’ve tried. I’ve gone out on dates with people from all of these dating sites except for Coffee Meets Bagel (a story which will be featured in an upcoming “What Not to Do on a First Date post”). I’ve had positive experiences with all of these dating sites and largely I think this is due to a few things.
How to set a good dating profile:
1. I list on my profile that I am Christian. This doesn’t prevent all the rift raft from sending me some weird comments, but I’ve never been sent a dick pic (and hopefully never will) and no one has ever said anything drastically inappropriate to me. If you’re not Christian, then probably don’t do this but make it as clear as you can that you are not looking for a hook up (that is, if a relationship is what you’re looking for).
2. Be choosy with the photos you post. The advice I’ve heard from my guy friends who are also on these dating apps is this:
Don’t:
Only post selfies. Pick one.
Use Instagram or Snapchat filters. Yes we all know you look great with bunny ears, but that’s not what you look like! No one wants to play detective on these dating apps.
Post multiple photos with all your friends in all your photos. People are interested in getting to know you, specifically!
Realize that if you’re going to post a provocative photo – in your bikini, showing lots of cleavage, then you might get a lot of “right swipes” but they may not be from people that you would want to date.
Don’t try and make people guess which one is you.
Or if you’re the cutest one of your friends.
Just post photos of you.
I love my brother’s dog Lua with all my heart
But the world does not need to see multiple photos of us.
Even though we are freaking adorable together.
Do:
Post photos of yourself doing things that you love. You love fishing/hiking/making quilts? Then highlight that. It will give your potential suitors something to comment on.
Post one photo with your pet. People love pets but again, this is about you – not your pet!
Post photos of you, at least one with no sunglasses, no hat, just smiling. Again, the goal is not to “trick” people into asking you out because they think you might look or act one way, but rather to show who you really are.
Ask one of your girlfriends (or guy friends) to do a photo shoot for you to get some good material to use for these dating sites. (If you’re friends with me, ask me! I love helping people take great photos of themselves!).
I try to use photos that show my personality and spunk (right photo)
Make sure you have at least one straight photo that will give people an idea of what you really look like.
And photos that also show my interests. (Like on the left photo)
3. Finally, if anyone says anything remotely weird to me, I do not respond and immediately unmatch with them. No one should ask you to send them photos of yourself and no one should ask you for money.
In summary, the dating game is hard. It takes a lot of work to match with someone, then decide if you actually want to meet them, and then to actually set up something. It can be absolutely exhausting. It can also be a lot of fun. So if you’re thinking about getting into the online dating game, pick the app that you think best works for you and get to swiping.